She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
