You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
