i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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