Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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