You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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