First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
