Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
