Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
