O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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