When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What drink are we having for lunch?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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