I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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