Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
