Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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