so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
