White coat. Heels.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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