dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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