Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
