I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
