i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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