I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
