He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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