How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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