I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
