haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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