just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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