Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
