I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
