In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
