we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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