And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
