guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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