you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
