Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
