Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
