there's paper in my vomit.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
