OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
