just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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