I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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