i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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