we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
