beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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