how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
