woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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