Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize