No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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