you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
