i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
