Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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