If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
