Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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