My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
