Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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