I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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