dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
