We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
