um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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