Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize