Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We're facebook friends in real life
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize