he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
