If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
