I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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