I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
