You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
