I can text with my tongue
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
