I'm so fucking centered right now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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