A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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