my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
