hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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