I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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