Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
