toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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